Exercise by osmosis

Okay, so it's no secret that I'm trying to lose weight. Or, at least, that I want to lose weight and don't try hard enough to accomplish that. 

So now that I've failed at the last three diets I tried, I'm just bumping along, pretending to be happy that I weigh what I do. And watching a LOT of The Biggest Loser. Who knew it was such riveting television?

Did you know that, like, five channels show The Biggest Loser? I had no idea. When I pulled up my channel guide on the DVR to see how many I could record, I was astounded. (And I recorded all of them, of course.) Yesterday, I watched most of Season 1 - having a DVR means I can condense one hour of television into 15 crackling, suspense-filled minutes - and today, I saw an episode from a more recent season. (I have no idea which one AND they totally ended it in a cliffhanger, damn them!)

I've never been into The Biggest Loser before. I'd heard of it, of course, but never watched an episode. I'd read a couple of breathless "They Lost Half Their Body Weight!" articles in People about it, and I own a Jillian Michaels game for my Wii, but never really got interested in the series. Now I'm hooked. I love watching the transformations - the people shrinking before your very eyes. I love when Jillian gets all excited and her voice starts squeaking and Bob gets mad at someone and then has to have 20 minutes of zen-time to pull himself together while his students console him. What I don't love are man-boobs and big ol' man nipples. There are more man-nipples per minute on that show than on any other, including COPS. And we all know it is a requirement for men being arrested on COPS that you have to be shirtless. Bleah. Seriously, would it add that much weight to have them get on that scale in their little tank tops? The ladies do. 

But now that I weigh more than I ever have and am really struggling with my weight, it gives me an even better reason to watch the show. It doesn't help me lose weight, but watching them work out is strenuous! The sweating, the grunting, Jillian screaming, Bob hugging - I feel like I'm the one at the gym. I can burn vicarious calories without ever leaving the couch! Yay! 

And don't even get me started on Oprah yesterday - Kirstie Alley was on and she's gained back all the weight she lost on Jenny Craig, plus 10 more just to keep the original 75 pounds company. Talk about making me feel better about myself. She was honest, funny and self-deprecating and it made me realize that we all slip up and we just have to keep trying. If only she hadn't done that horrible white manicure that reminded me of all the girls in junior high who painted their nails with White-Out. Bleah times two. 

I think my DVR just clicked into record mode, though, so I'm off to feel the burn. Hug me, Bob.