Three guys. And two gals

Last night, every adult in my house went out for dinner together. For those of you playing along at home, that would mean that all five of us piled into the big car (which finally has legal Kentucky plates, after several months of trips to the BMV and many faxes) and drove off into the sunset.

What makes this so fun is that it isn't easy to put five full-grown humans in a four-door car, no matter how you slice it. So Levi and Tony get to ride in comfort in the front seat, while Mom, Jack and I squeeze into the back. (Unless Jack is driving and then Levi STILL gets to ride in comfort and Mom, Tony and I squeeze into the back. Seems like Levi's living on easy street here, doesn't it?) Anyhow, Jack likes to make Mom miserable, so he spends the entire ride squishing her into me, until she blows her top. Or he'll squeeze her knee, which inevitably makes her pee her pants. In my car. You know, stuff adults in cars do all the time.

By the time we'd made it to Five Guys, everyone was ready to get out of the car and have a few square feet to themselves. This is how the evening went down:

- Mom and Levi got into a (physical) slap fight trying to get in the door of Five Guys because they both tried to go through together. Not the best first impression on the folks in the restaurant.

- Jack left his change at the register.

- Jack and Mom got into a (verbal) slap fight because Jack, as usual, didn't bring his cell phone with him to dinner and Mom wanted to go to the Verizon store and get a replacement phone for him. (His is dying a slow death.)

- Jack, peeved about the slap fight, swept all of his empty peanut shells into Mom's lap when he went up to get the food from the counter.

- Mom, peeved about the peanut shells, scraped them out of her lap and put them all over Jack's chair.

- He saw them, but sat on them anyhow, earning the new nickname "Peanut Butter."

- I, of course, had to take five phone calls during dinner, prompting Tony to give me the same lecture I used to give him about phone calls and emails while we were out. Note to self: just keep mouth shut in the future.

- After dinner, Jack went to the bar to drink away the pain of the peanut shells in his tush while the rest of us did some window shopping.

- I bought a giant artificial flower arrangement for my entryway. Levi and Tony took it back to the car together and it was only when they returned that we realized they must have looked like quite the happy couple, taking their flower arrangement to the car in their complementary polo shirts and matching shorts.

- Mom, when throwing away her milkshake remains, managed to toss it in the trash can in such a way that she got chocolate ice cream sprayed all over the front of her shirt and in her hair.

- On the ride home, Levi had to hold the flower arrangement in his lap, finally experiencing the type of car ride I usually endure, with Mom peeing on my leg and being squished into me the entire time.

In other words, a typical family night out.