Tonglish

Communication is a big issue in any relationship. Even if both people speak the same language, there can still be miscommunication, hurt feelings, etc. In my marriage, that is multiplied by 300 because I speak English and Tony speaks his own language. Let's call it Tonglish.

To meet him, you'd never guess that he was born outside the United States. He has no accent, his English is (ostensibly) perfect and most people assume he was born and raised here. (Actually, he was born in Cyprus and raised in Saudi Arabia and Singapore before moving to the States when he was 17. Fun facts for everyone!) The only time he has a little bit of an accent is when he talks to his family and he picks up on theirs and that's more of a speech syncopation than an actual accent.

However, there are still times when I have to rifle through my mental Rolodex to understand what the heck he's talking about. For the most part, it isn't because he's using words improperly, it's because he's not using words AT ALL. Or the words that he's using are so imprecise, he could be talking about anything. For instance, here is a conversation we have daily in the office:

Tony: Did you get that guy the stuff he needed?

Me: What guy? What stuff?

Tony: *Silence because he's working on an email or something else on his computer.*

Me: What guy? What stuff?

Tony: *More silence* The guy. Who needed the stuff.

Me: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT FRIGGING GUY? WHAT FRIGGING STUFF?

Tony: I told you. Todd. He needed the credit app.

Me: *Head explodes*

Another great example is when Tony has been having a 20 minute conversation with himself about something and then brings me in for the big finish:

Tony: So, what do you think about getting that stuff done? I think it really needs to be done if we are going to be profitable.

Me: What stuff?

Tony: *Silence while he types on the computer*

Me: Tony, use your words. What stuff? (At this point, I'm wracking my brain to think if he's mentioned anything in the last five hours that could apply to our business. The phones? New toner cartridges? Another salesperson? WHAT IS IT?)

Tony: Oh, you know, getting a new phone system. I didn't say that?

Me: *Head explodes*

I will admit that 85% of the time, I can figure out what he's talking about, because we are together 20000 hours a day and we've reached some kind of eerie symbiosis (That doesn't go both ways, trust me. He never has any idea what I'm talking about, even if I draw a chart and show him pictures.) that allows me to know what he's talking about even if he doesn't. Which happens more than I care to admit.

But the other 15% of the time is killing me. I can't just automatically assume I know, because I've agreed to some really expensive and stupid things in the last two months thinking I was agreeing to something else. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose so he can get away with spending money he knows I wouldn't give him under normal circumstances.

So, until further notice, I'm making him fill out requests in writing for anything financial. And to stop, think, and use his full vocabulary when he's talking to me. Because I can't deal with this stuff any more.