Baby Stories

Well, everyone, it has been a very busy three weeks at the Coutsoftides house. Our daughter, Catherine Starling Coutsoftides, was born on March 4th at 10:27 p.m. She weighed 7 lbs 4 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. And she was three weeks early.

We have come to refer to her as our unexpected baby. We got pregnant unexpectedly last summer. We assumed she'd be late because all my mom's babies were late and that just felt like the right thing. We planned an unmedicated birth. We were going to name her Vivienne. None of that happened. Here's why:

I ended up with high blood pressure. After months of worrying about gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia started to creep in. In the last week before she was born, I gained seven pounds - a pound a day. I checked my blood pressure at home, only to find out it was dangerously high. After several trips to the midwives and one trip to the hospital for observation, we decided to go ahead and induce to prevent me from getting any more swollen, hypertensive or pre-eclamptic. We checked into the hospital on the 3rd at 8 p.m. to start the process because I was exactly 0 centimeters dilated. Fun!

After spending the night getting the medication to dilate me and not sleeping at all (I should have slept - it was my last chance) the good news was that I was 3 cm dilated and ready to head to the labor and delivery ward to start the real induction. Keep in mind that Tony and I spent hundreds of dollars and 10 weeks taking a natural childbirth class that made us believe that all of these interventions were going to make me miserable during labor and strip me of the "natural" experience I was after. You see, when you are being induced for medical reasons, none of that matters. You just want to not stroke out on the delivery table and leave a husband and baby behind.

At 7 p.m., after five hours of laboring on the pitocin, I was not progressing at all. The contractions really weren't bad - they were totally manageable at that point - but the exams to find out how far along I was were excruciating. Turns out the medication they use to dilate you makes every cervical check feel like someone is stabbing you repeatedly with a garden weasel. In the delicate bits. I've never experienced pain like that. And my blood pressure was starting to creep up again. After several episodes of me climbing the walls only to hear that I was still 3 cm, we made a group decision to get the epidural. BEST DECISION EVER. Ten minutes later, my water broke. Two and half hours of napping later, and I was ready to push. Twenty minutes of pushing and I had a baby in my arms.

During the two and half hours of napping, I also decided that Vivienne was no longer the right name for this little girl. I woke up and said to myself, "We should name her Catherine!" When I told Mom and Tony this, Mom said she'd been thinking all day that Catherine was a really nice name, but she didn't want to say anything because we'd already decided on Vivienne. I'm so happy we changed our minds. Catherine is the sweetest, most good-natured baby in the world, and her name fits her perfectly. This is why I never referred to her by any name when I was pregnant. I wanted to keep my options open and not confuse her or myself. I still mostly call her "Baby Girl" to be honest.

The takeaways from all this? Life is never what we plan. I thought having a "medicated" birth would rob me of the experience of giving birth. Turns out, I still had to do the work and I still got a beautiful baby girl at the end of the night. And I didn't have to suffer through the incredible pain and fear I was experiencing every time the midwife approached me to see how I was doing. I certainly tried a natural birth and it just didn't work for me. But the hypnobirthing classes did teach me about baby yoga and belly dancing and lots of other fun things, so I don't regret doing that. I also learned to say the word cervix without wanting to vomit, which I feel is a real accomplishment.

I can only imagine that this is the beginning of a long journey of unexpected things (For instance, breastfeeding has been miserable. Who knew?) in Catherine's life. But I wouldn't change anything about her, or her birth, or her life. She's absolutely perfect.

Days 5, 6, 7 - Catching up

Things have been a little busy. And by busy, I mean I've been too emotional to write much because I'm sure no one wants to read that I hate everyone and everything and that my heartburn just won't go away. Such is the life of a woman six weeks away from giving birth. I never believed that you could get this sick of being pregnant, but it is certainly possible. Inevitable, even.

Anyhow, here's the rundown on what's been happening in budget-land:

Day 5 was Saturday. Sam's Club day. And that's never a good day for the budget. Mom and I were really conservative in what we bought - passing on the Fig Newtons because they seemed really expensive, but snagging the roasted almonds because they WERE a good deal. The damage for Tony and me? $47.76. The real cost items were, of course, cleaning products. But dishwashing detergent and dryer sheets do make life easier, so I can't complain too much.

I spent the rest of the day feeling like I should accomplish more and just...not.

Day 6, Sunday, is usually a free day for us. Especially Super Bowl Sunday, when I thought we'd be safely ensconced in the house all day, eating and shouting at the TV. Not so. Tony had a hankering for Starbucks (and some fresh air) so we grabbed a gift card I'd been given by an especially generous customer and headed out. Should have checked the balance on the gift card first. We had $.30 left, meaning our "free" trip to Starbucks actually cost $6.44, further nibbling away at the fun money budget. But, it did make Tony happier to get out in the sunshine, so that was a small price to pay in my eyes.

I, on the other hand, sat in the car and cried most of the time (flash back to the six weeks from giving birth part). But the Super Bowl was pretty good, so that made up for the emotional roller coaster of a weekend.

And finally, Day 7. Monday. A day that actually put a little money BACK into my pocket. No, I didn't knock over a liquor store (although that is tempting) but I was able to freeze my membership at Massage Envy for medical reasons - YAY BABY! - saving me $49 this month and every month until June. That allowed me to have my last massage (already paid for), leave a $15 tip and have money left over for Tony to get a haircut. He's looking a little Borat right now. I'm officially calling this our "personal care" money and we have $34 in that bucket for the rest of the month.

Overall, a win-win situation. I got massaged, my husband won't look crazy and who knows what we can do with the rest of the cash.

The tally:

Groceries - $287.64
Personal Care - $34
Fun Money - $32.16
Gas - $11.11
Medical/Etc. - $150

Day 4 - Loose Change and Heartburn

I don't know why I ever think it is a good idea to eat a cheeseburger. They always make me sick these days, between the gross feeling I get and the heartburn that lingers for hours. (I feel the same way about hot dogs, but the siren song seems too strong.) Add to that the fact that cheeseburgers seem to be getting more expensive and today created the perfect budget/stomach storm for me.

Tony and I had to attend a memorial service this morning for a very dear friend of ours. He passed away earlier this week and I guess mentioning him in the blog is fitting because he was certainly one of the most money-savvy men I've ever known. John was always researching ways to save money and giving advice to us on how to invest and save our own money so we'd be prepared for retirement. I know Tony found his advice invaluable on many occasions. We will certainly miss him, for that and so many other reasons.

After we left the service, I was starving. Crying always makes me hungry, and it was lunchtime anyhow, so we decided to go through a drive-thru on the way back to the office so we wouldn't waste any time eating once we got back. (Fridays are busy and we need to focus hard on making money, not on eating. As Tony always says, lunch is a crutch.)

The Golden Arches beckoned and we gave in. I got a cheeseburger meal and Tony got a nuggets meal and we spent $10.40 of our hard-earned money on food that made me want to give up eating forever about 45 minutes after I ate. I had heartburn so bad the inside of my ears hurt, a phenomenon I was not familiar with before I got pregnant. Now, sadly, it is a near-constant state for me. Knowing that we had just spent 1/5 of what we had budgeted for "fun" for the whole month made it that much harder to swallow.

The moral of the story? Don't eat cheeseburgers when you are pregnant. And pack a sack lunch if you are going to be out around noontime.

Oh, we also filled up the car, but we had so many fuel points, we actually came in UNDER budget on that line-item. The tally so far:

Groceries - $64.60 of $400 spent, leaving $335.40
Fun - $10.40 of $49 spent, leaving $38.60
Gas - $33.90 of $45 spent, leaving $11.11

And it's only the 4th. Twenty-four lean more days to go. And NO MORE CHEESEBURGERS.

Day 3 - Groceries

Last night was grocery shopping night here in the house. (Mom and I like to shop on Wednesday because everyone in Northern Kentucky goes to church on Wednesday night and we have the store practically to ourselves. It's just one of the things to love about Northern Kentucky living.)

We tried a new store last night, too - one just down the road from us, but in a different direction. The Kroger we normally frequent has a terribly busy parking lot made worse by the addition of 22 cart returns. I swear, there is a cart return for every three parking spots at the Kroger in Union. It is ridiculous. If someone can't walk six parking spots to return a cart, they don't deserve to eat their groceries. But I digress.

The store was pretty much the same, although it was disconcerting that it is basically the mirror image of the store we normally shop. Instead of turning left inside the door to begin shopping, you turn right. Mom was confused the entire time. She must have asked me five times if I'd switched directions on her. I just hit her with a frozen pizza and moved on.

But, the shopping trip was a success. We got lots of food, saved some serious money with coupons and came in under my budget figure. Total, we spent $161.52. Our share of that is $64.60, which leaves $335.40 in the grocery budget for the rest of the month. Now, this weekend, I have to go to Sam's Club because we are out of Kleenex and Fig Newtons, so I will have to practice restraint there. It is so easy to spend $200 without batting an eye at Sam's.

Oh, and for the coupon mavens, we saved $48.62 total between Kroger's plus card stuff and the regular and e-coupons I had. It came out to 23%, which isn't my record, but as long as I stay above 20% in savings, I feel pretty good.

Austerity Project, Day 2

Okay, so when I posted about getting teary-eyed at the thought of not doing anything for my anniversary, it obviously touched a nerve. Several incredibly generous friends and family members stepped forward to make sure that Tony and I had a good third anniversary, and I was, as usual, overwhelmed by how wonderful everyone I know is. Say what you will about the state of humanity, people are kind and generous. To everyone who made offers, thank you so much. Just knowing that you thought of me and of Tony when I know all of you have your own struggles and needs was the best anniversary gift I can think of. I promise to pay it back or forward or sideways whenever the opportunity presents. You all make me want to be a better person. (As usual.)

The offer we did accept was made by my family - we have a communal change jar here in the house that we all put money in throughout the year and then we are supposed to use the proceeds for a group activity. Everyone else agreed that Tony and I should take that money and spend it on an anniversary dinner. In fact, they insisted, and Mom already made reservations for us at a very nice place. Sometimes living in a group home can be pretty awesome, I must say.

Today was a pretty mundane day for the budget. However, Mom and I have to go grocery shopping tonight, so we spent last night gathering our coupons and making a detailed list. I like to plan out the meals a week in advance and then shop for the specific items we'll need, along with the staples we go through every week, like bananas and milk. (This drives Mom insane, who would rather just let the spirits take her at the store and when it comes to dinner. Take her out to eat, that is.) My goal is to come out of the store with our share being less than $75, which means I have to spend less than $190 total. For most of you, that probably seems like a horrifying amount. But to feed five adults three meals a day plus snacks and dessert, that's actually pretty good. I'll report back tomorrow. (And for all you coupon junkies, I'll even let you know how much I saved, although you'll be disappointed. I'm not one of those ladies who can save more than she spends. I lack the dedication to the cause and the snazzy notebook.)

Wish me luck!

Austerity Project, Day 1

Here we are - February 1st. The beginning of our month of nothing.

And it is already hard. Two things happened in the last 24 hours to make this a more difficult project than it already was.

First, we received a letter from our homeowners association (also known as the Axis of Evil.) They've been jacking us around about our satellite dish for months. Seems the dish, which sits on the same wall as our air conditioner, electric and gas meters and all our vents, is an eyesore. Never mind that this is the place the home builder wired for the stupid thing. Never mind that we are the very last house in the entire development and you can't see the dish unless you are sitting directly in front of our home. ON A DEAD-END STREET.

In order to appease the HOA, we spent more than $900 (that we didn't have) on trees this summer to mask the offending dish. Unfortunately, the trees are not full-grown yet, so there is a sliver of space between our house and the first tree, and if you pull your car into that exact sight line, you can still see the dish. Therefore, we had to have my brother fabricate a trellis (cost: $100 for materials) to cover the rest of the view. The problem is, the ground has been frozen solid ever since we finished the trellis. Nevertheless, the HOA expects us to magically get this thing installed.

Long story short, we have to spend at least $50 this month to rent an auger to install the stupid trellis, buy concrete that will set in below-freezing temperatures and get it all done before the end of the month or "RISK LEGAL ACTION." So we are looking at about $75 in extra costs that we have to pull from the grocery/meds budget. And my level of rage at the HOA is building all the time. It hardly seems worth it to put up with these petty tyrants just to get city water and sewer.

Second, Mom started peppering me with questions about what Tony and I are going to do for our anniversary. February 9th is our three-year wedding anniversary, and neither of us have ever managed to stay married this long, so it's kind of a big deal. Not to mention that it will be our last anniversary as just a two-some, before the baby arrives. I had hoped we could do something nice - go out to dinner, maybe spend a night away from the crowd somewhere. But, we will be doing nothing. I will admit to getting a little teary-eyed telling Mom that, but I realize that the more important thing is that Tony and I enter our fourth year of marriage solvent rather than having a tasty meal or overnight getaway.

So, I told her that we would be writing each other love letters. To which Tony responded that he's not writing any stupid letter.

Good to know that the romance survives, no matter what.

Austerity Project, Day 0

Tomorrow's the big day! Not that today is any different. I'm really trying to not be one of those people who, right before starting a big diet, have a binge day. So, no online shopping, no eating out, no going to three movies tonight just because starting tomorrow I can't. That would be irresponsible, and until we get the rent check from our condo, impossible.

I promised that today I would write about our policy of accepting gifts and treats this month. Because we live in a communal house, every once in a while, someone gets a bug and decides to "treat" everyone to dinner or a movie or something. This is a lovely, generous impulse and we've all done it at one point or another in the time that we've been living together. The only problem is that none of us really have the money to do that. Everyone is either retired and on a fixed income or unemployed and on a fixed income or Tony and me, who have had no income to speak of for years. No Diamond Jim Bradys here.

The policy I've decided on for the month, then, is that we aren't allowed to accept "treats" from anyone else. In order to encourage greater fiscal responsibility in the entire house, if we can't afford to do it on our own, we don't do it. If everyone else wants to eat Chinese or go out for a movie, Tony and I will graciously decline and stay home. If we can't afford it, we don't do it.

I believe very strongly in paying one's own way in the world. I know Tony feels the same way. I've tried very hard my entire adult life not to take any handouts or help from people. I feel terribly guilty when it does happen, especially if that person didn't really have the extra money to give. I understand that generosity is a good impulse we shouldn't deny, and I am often generous to a fault myself, but I just think that, at 30, I should be completely independent. Hell, I felt that way at 20. I will admit, I lived with my mom for three months after my first divorce in order to save some money to get my own place, but I hated feeling as though I was going in reverse. Even though the place I ended up living was pretty awful (the Papa John's guy got mugged on my doorstep, and I did have to crawl on the floor one time when I heard gunshots nearby), it was still mine. And my first mother-in-law was incredibly generous with me, but I always felt as though I could never really "own" the things I was given because I didn't earn them or pay for them myself.

So the point of this month is not to embrace austerity for ourselves and take advantage of everyone around us. Tony and I have to make tough decisions. We can't have our cake and eat it, too. We can't just bat our eyes at the dinner table and flash an empty wallet, hoping someone else takes pity and picks up the check. We need to admit where we are, embrace it and get through it. In the end, I hope it will build some character for us.