Thank You.

As you know, the last week and a half have been very difficult. There have been buckets of tears, lots of naps and several prescription medications that make me want to carve my stomach out and never eat again. At many points, I just wanted to pretend the previous three months had never happened.



But the entire experience became bittersweet when I told all of you about what had happened. The floodgates opened and I realized that, far from being alone, I was surrounded by women (and their partners) who had been through the same situation and were unbelievably generous in sharing their experiences and knowledge with me. Without these incredible, strong and compassionate people, Tony and I never would have made it through this.


The cards, emails and Facebook messages were all different, but held the same theme - I've been there, it hurt like hell, but I got through it and you can, too. One woman reassured me that having a miscarriage was, for her, much more painful and frightening than actually giving birth (a fear that I had been holding without actually acknowledging). Another expressed so eloquently how it felt to put all the maternity clothes and baby books away and know that the months would continue to tick by but at the end, I wouldn't have a baby. The writing was beautiful, sad, impassioned and sometimes angry, which is what made it perfect.

And even though my first instinct was to throw everything that reminded me of this experience away, I'm keeping all of it. Because even though it hurts to look at it, I know that in the future, whenever I feel alone or abandoned, I will be able to look at this outpouring of good will and know that there are people out there who care about me.

I'm also slowly coming back to myself. I've gotten dressed the last few days, gone to the grocery store, even had dinner at the home of dear friends who tolerated me talking way too much about the miscarriage without stopping or judging me. Am I completely better? No. Another friend said it best - you are never really over this experience until you get pregnant again, successfully. So I have many months until I feel whole again. But for now, I'll settle for being able to see a commercial on TV with a baby in it and not sob for an hour after.